Secrets to Success

Being recently widowed I’ve been thrust back into the dating game reluctantly I must admit. Dating had always been a chore to me and not the most pleasant of experiences so that’s one of the reasons I got married. Well now I’m back on the scene and to put it in the words of a song by The Go-Go’s, ‘Love is a Battlefield’ and man it’s full of mines and other deadly traps! It’s been even more unpleasant thus far than I ever could have dreamed and equally as disappointing! I mean, there’s so little warmth or friendliness and it seems everyone you meet has an agenda other than getting or being with you and at the root of this it seems to be money all the time. In some form or fashion they expect money (at least the women I’ve been meeting) and at first I took for granted that it was just part of the courtship ritual. As it wore on though it came to me that this was looking less like a courtship and more like the kind of transaction you’d have with a whore or a prostitute. I mean, if you want intimacy they expect money plain and simple. I bought a girl I was dating a flower and she told me straight up she didn’t want that and insulted me by refusing to take it for she told me you could have given me the money. Now I had never been so insulted in my life and I left her where she was. Inspite of the fact she never aplogized nor even pretended too I gave her another chance and it seems every week she had something she needed to buy or some books she had to purchase for her classes. I bought the books for the classes (I try to help out anyone trying to go to school) but it became blatantly obvious that even though she worked and didn’t have to pay rent (she stayed with her grandmother) and her cellphone was her only other bill, she was in constant need of money. When I refused to give her another dollar the phone calls stopped and she never came to my apartment again. Good! It was the same way with a girl that I had known for years, someone in whom I thought I could trust. Early on while I was in college she had loaned me a little money and when I came back and we started dating I gave her back her money with interest. But as we called ourselves ‘dating’ (I had at first looked to marry this girl at some point) yet again it was plain as day she was more interested in seeing how much money she could get out of me than in being with me. She got so much from me because I never thought of her as a golddigger and had nursed the illusion in my mind that once I became a man of some means that romance between us would be possible. Nope. All she ever truly wanted from me was a payday. And the same can be said of all but one (we broke up for different reasons) for the rest they came in demanding money saying things like,’if a man can’t help me with my bills, he need to move his ass.’ So I moved my ass.

I don’t know why so many women have become so mercenary putting material things above any other considerations such as love, mutual attraction, or a desire for company from the opposite sex but I do think it’s despicable. Women act to much like men these days and not enough like women in my opinion. There is so little warmth, affection, or nurture in them these days as they are on what one whore told me one time, ‘a paper chase.’ For those who don’t know, she’s looking for money. The softness that attracted men so much before much of that is gone replaced by a hard, coldhearted facade they wear night and day it seems only showing affection to their other girlfriends and using them as a shield to protect them from interested men. Men may have to shoulder some of the blame too for to many are unfaithful, liars, and deceitful in their machinations trying to seduce any willing body they come into contact with and once they’ve gotten from her what they want they get lost having no intention of living up to any of their promises or responsibilities to any kids that might ensue. Nevertheless even that is no excuse for the proliferation of this coldness of spirit that seems so prevalent in the many women of today. It makes dating more difficult and more of a pain rather than the pleasure it was in the forlorn days of old. The need for romance and intimacy of the heart is so urgent these days I can’t even begin to tell you how desperate it is these days. I mean, I’d like to scream it out at the top of my lungs and let all the frustration that dating has become out in one big burst! Golddigger’s are multiplying like rabbits and true women looking for real men seem to have been forced underground because their peers are propegating prostitution rather than true love. They strut around with itemized listings of prices where if you want to take them out to dinner should cost this much, they want to go hear which costs this much, if you want me to hold your hand it’ll cost this much, and if you want a kiss it’ll cost this much. Sex, man that’s a carnote or a housenote or for some a large note! Now not all black women are like this I’m sure, and I’m certain in other ethnic groups they have their fair share of mercenary women but I can only speak about my own experiences.

In conclusion, I just want to bring to light this nasty turn that the art of courtship seems to have taken and hopefully people will see that something has gone dreadfully wrong in the dating game. People should date because of mutual attraction or love if you will and money should never come into the equation. When money comes into the process it ceases to be a courtship and becomes a transaction between a man and a whore. Now I don’t know about others but I’m not interested in any relationship where I have to shell out money for some love. Maybe I’m just too old-fashioned but I feel if two people like each other that should be the start and finish of any love affair without money coming into the picture to mess it up.